Clowniphobia!
by Ichigoiszero0
Summary: The head family's fear of clowns


**All rights are reserved by Masashi Kishimoto**

Nightmare by McDonalds

_Here we visit the Uchiha family today, on this glorious morning, to talk about how the fear of clowns got carnivals banned in Konoha. We start our tale with the young first born Uchiha heir in his safety hole! Beneath his father's desk!_

Itachi was scared, very scared as he lay curled up beneath his father's desk for it was carnival season and the clowns were about. Evil and devilish clowns with their ugly red make up and noses and deathly painted porcelain faces, it was horrible!

He had just passed through the gates of the Uchiha compound, going for a stroll with his nine month pregnant mother, when a clown appeared. It slightly surprised his mother but it scared the living day lights out of him.

Itachi had a morbid fear of clowns; naturally, he responded with the flight-or-fight response and fled for his father's work! All the while thanking the sun goddess and Buddha for the fact his father happened to be the head of the Military Police! So, now here he was with his mother with her big belly and his father with his stern yet oddly concerned look, trying to coax the five year old out.

Itachi took in a deep breath; he couldn't hide in here forever. How could he be the protector of everything innocent hiding beneath here? Crawling out from beneath his father's desk, Itachi was wrapped in a hug by his mother and her growing belly while his father looked on.

When his mother finally let him go from her suffocating hug, his father picked Itachi up and put him on his desk and sat himself down in his chair.

"Okay," Fugaku began, firmly. "What in hade's name possessed you to run in here and dive beneath my desk?"

Itachi bit his lip nervously and moved as if uncomfortable about telling his father his morbid fear of clown. Itachi looked at his father, who sat there with a raised eyebrow then to his mother, who was giving him a worried look. He sighed and mumbled out a few words.

"Itachi, honey, speak louder." Mikoto said, gently putting a hand on his shoulder.

He cast his eyes away, ashamed. "I was scared of a clown." he said, finally.

He waited for his father to do something like lecture him for how he acted over a clown but it never came. Oh no, instead, he watched in shock as his father pounced like frightened dog into a fighting position at the mention of the word "clown".

Fugaku was ready to kill when he jumped out of his seat with a kunai. It nearly scared Mikoto into labor, nearly made Itachi fall off the desk, and made the poor officer that had just open the door pee his pants.

The man chuckled nervously and left the room as quickly as possible.

"Fugaku…" Mikoto began, soothingly, but was interrupted by Itachi, who exclaimed in joy and relief, "You're afraid of clowns like me!"

Fugaku cringed as he heard the WORD again and at the sound of some of his men's snickering outside his door but he would yell at them later. He regained himself and said in a dignified but quick and embarrassed voice to Itachi and his mother, "Well, I have work. Let us never speak of this again."

Itachi's father turned towards him, "and Itachi," he said in firm tone, making Itachi straighten up. "Stay at home unless I say so. Most of the time, I will take you with me from there if need be."

His father turned his mother gave her peck on the cheek and sent them on their way.

When Itachi and Mikoto were outside the building and his father went to lecture the force over mocking their teammates, more specifically him and the poor officer, who peed himself.

Mikoto finally said what was on her chest "Well, that was dumb…!" In a few minutes, she would be eating her words.

Ten minutes later, Mikoto and Itachi were surprised by another dang clown. Only this time Mikoto went into labor with her second son and the clown was taught to think twice about scaring a pregnant woman.

First by an angry and frightened Itachi than by an extremely ticked off Fugaku, after taking his wife to the hospital, he preceded to beat the clown into a pulp. Fugaku had to be held down due to fear of him accidently killing the clown or as it seemed more likely, to purposely kill the clown and make it look like a bloody accident.

The clown was in a coma for a month. When he came to, he quit his job and became a seaman.

After her labor with Sasuke, Mikoto officially shared her son and husband's fear and hate of clowns. When she got her energy back and go about, she punched the first clown that came near her then kicked him where it hurt most. Twice.

In a way he deserved it, he was giving her cat calls and tried to grab at baby Sasuke, to make her run after him. He was angry and thought she made his friend quit and so he thought he could ruff her up to teach her a lesson. Oh, what a fool! She was out of practice as a shinobi but she was still considered Jonin and she was having none of the clown's shenanigans!

The clown was then arrested for attempted kidnapping. After a day in prison, he mysteriously disappeared and Fugaku came in with uncharacteristic smile on his face. This made everyone very afraid and very suspicious. You don't try and steal Fugaku and Mikoto's baby without reparations. No, sir!

Konoha tried to ban clowns due to this being the second time an incident of this nature had occurred. Behind the scenes Danzo seemed to agree with it due to having a fear of clowns himself. It didn't pass until six months later because some of the council members liked clowns. They convinced Sarutobi that the third time it occurred would be the last. They all thought that third time would not come; they were dead wrong.

A kid had tried to go around and scare people by dressing up as a demon clown. He didn't scare anyone until he met the nervous and _**very**_ _pregnant _matriarch of the Hyūga clan. Hiashi also had to be held down to make sure he didn't purposely kill the boy and make it look like a bloody accident.

Now you know why you mainly see festivals in those old gambling towns in _**Naruto**_. Blame the clowns!

**As you all can see this can be considered very dry humor and truthfully, it's not all that funny. I tried though. Please review. **

**I got the idea of the clowns after reading an article on Ronald McDonald. **

**Yes, I know you're probably thinking a nine month pregnant woman shouldn't be walking around but in fact it is highly suggested by doctors in order to help keep in shape and circulate blood throughout the body.**


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